you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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