high people should be assigned attendants
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
