she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
