got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
