Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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