I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
