Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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