He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
What a dumb baby whore.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
