why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
