I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
