his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
