I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
