You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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