He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
