I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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