if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
