Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
