As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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