There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
No subtext here. People are naked.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
