It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
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