Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Less talking, more tequila
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
