I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
