Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
