If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
