I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
