Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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