There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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