Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
