I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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