i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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