Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
