bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
