he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
