I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
