also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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