awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
