theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
