I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
