lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
