Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
