Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
