there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.