Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
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So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch