My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.