New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
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I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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