UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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