How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
