my phone needs a breathalizer
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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