Having a random hookup so left but love u
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
