I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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