If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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