Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
