We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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