I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
