I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There's always time for handjobs
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
