Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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