using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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