I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
