Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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