Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
