the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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