I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
