I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
