my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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