Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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