We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
