The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
