I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize