Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
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The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
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Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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