Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
