Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Floor bacon is actually really good
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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