This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
