a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
