Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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