I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
