how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
