Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
