she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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