somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
