We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
