thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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