I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
