my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
