Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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