Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
