i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
