Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
