At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
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